親愛的阿豆:
最近過得好嗎?
不知道豆豆是不是覺得很意外,已經隔了好長一段時間沒有寫信給豆豆的爸爸,怎麼突然想起來要寫信了?其實有的時候一言難盡,爸爸也不懂自己,明明心裡有好多話想對豆豆說,但卻怎麼也沒有勇氣再打開部落格的後台,也許這是一種逃避吧?
爸爸其實逃避的不是豆豆的離開,而是逃避自己不肯放下心中那份悲傷的感覺,算一算豆豆離開爸爸已經快要一年了,但爸爸一點也不堅強,還是會因為看到生活中遺落在四處、屬於豆豆的記憶,而不自覺感到悲傷、難過、眼淚充滿眼框,但明明爸爸答應過豆豆要堅強起來的啊!怎麼又說話不算話呢?是啊,爸爸也好討厭自己!為什麼會這麼鑽牛角尖呢?豆豆應該也不喜歡這樣的爸爸,不是嗎?
就如同爸爸所預期的,來家裡也快一年的紅豆,從原本瘦瘦的「狗乾」已經被餵到肥嘟嘟的,就像那時候的豆豆一樣,讓人喜愛,但矛盾的是,變胖的紅豆長得愈來愈像豆豆,也常常讓爸爸看著紅豆發呆,雖然爸爸曾說過,不應該把紅豆當作是豆豆的替代品,可惜知易行難,真的很難不讓爸爸想念豆豆。
爸爸也曾說過,要把來不及給豆豆的疼愛,都都加諸在紅豆身上,不過有的時候還是會感嘆,如果豆豆還在,那該有多好?
唉,爸爸真的很沒用啊!
豆爸爸 2009.5.23 PM 1:36
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